I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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