U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
