and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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