It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
