everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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