He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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