I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Shame is for Republicans.
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