The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i've created a new STD.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
