She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
