"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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