she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
