god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
