"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need water and some morals
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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