8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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