i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
