You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
