I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
