I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
