Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
