I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You left your phone here
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