This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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