I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
