Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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