Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
