I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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