I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
