Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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