I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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