I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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