I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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