I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
