So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
