Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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