I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
