You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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