Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
