better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
