not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
