well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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