How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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