every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
