Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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