I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
