Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there's paper in my vomit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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