Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
