shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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