yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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