My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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