I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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