Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
