Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
