hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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