i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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