I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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