Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
