Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
